How to Be Hot (Or Horrific) This Halloween
Standing in the checkout line at Target this past week, I was greeted with a barrage of orange candy. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m a sucker for sweets. Snickers, Starbursts, Skittles; give me anything, and I’ll take it.
But this candy was there for a reason: Halloween.
I have a love-hate relationship with this particular festive season. I LOVE any and all excuses to dress up, so for that reason, Halloween is a dream. I get to wear the most amazing, outrageous (but, of course, not ugly!) fits, and no one can call me out on it.
But, I HATE–and I mean viscerally despise–the fashion catastrophe that Halloween brings with it. It’s like people think that for one night all the rules of fashion are momentarily suspended in mid-air. Suddenly, it’s okay to leave the house looking like you just stepped out of a rural thrift store where your friend picked out the most revealing and garish items all for under four bucks.
But, isn’t that contradictory? Not one bit. I love dressing up at Halloween, but I hate what some people come up with. It’s not hypocritical; it’s the fine line I like to call fashion.
Out of sheer generosity, however, I won’t leave you totally guessing. Here’s a guide of dos and don’ts this Halloween in order to look hot and not horrific.
Don’t be Cady Heron. Looking like you spent three hours eye-lining is never a vibe. And those teeth are just an outright NO. One crazy simple rule to follow is don’t put anything on that actively makes you look ugly. Who would have thought!
Do put some effort in. Just because you shouldn’t look like you dedicated the past three months and countless Google searches to this fit, it doesn’t mean you should look like you just threw on stripes and called yourself Waldo. Also, never dress up as Waldo.
Don’t be Karen Smith. Or Regina George for that matter. Halloween is an excuse to flaunt your stuff if you so choose, but it’s no excuse to be basic. You can’t stick on a headband and a non-existent dress and call yourself a mouse.
Do strike the balance of being fun and hot. I’m talking sexy serfs, kinky koalas, beautiful bells. If you’re going to go for a skimpier outfit, you need to have some fun with it!
Don’t be gross. Especially the men out there. A simple Google search of “sexy men’s Halloween costumes” (please don’t judge me!) yields some rather atrocious fits. Genie lamps, drill bits, ball pits - no, no no.
Do relax, enjoy and have a banger of a night. Halloween is, above all else, about eating crap and getting drunk. Take advantage of that.
And lastly, and most important of all, DON’T be that kid that doesn’t dress up. It’s not cool, it’s sad, and it says an awful lot about how boring you are.
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